Is this a good poem?

I've been feeling emo lately, so here is a collection of all of my emotions rolled in one:





Battle between,


Smoldering ashes,


Dust of bone sigh


Sky's bright eye.





Son of the sea banished,


Golden triumph.


Broken soul,


No winning, nor goal.





Moonshine spark,


Fireworks blaze,


Fight of father right,


Star's unblessed night.





Tired of life,


Caterpillar trapped in cucoon,


Foot steps passing time,


Love is a crime.





I can't really explain what it means to me because it's so complicated...tell me what you really think about it.

Is this a good poem?
Cocoon....not cucoon.





Aside from that it sounds like something i would have written when I was 15 and found out my girlfriend cheated on me.





Ahhh...Algebra, Bad Lunch and Infedelity...how I do miss High School!
Reply:it describes love. how it can be a battle to death, and how depressing it can be. it says, "Broken soul, No winning, nor goal." I think its saying the person who wrote it is heart broken.


I think it says love is a crime, because it is hard 2 live with. sometimes. it really depends on the situation, and how the poet feels at the time he/she wrote it.


I liked it. :)
Reply:Ditch the commas at the end of the lines, its redundant, but the diction is great.
Reply:The verses are way too short and convey only words rather than meanings. I understand what you mean but try putting in more feelings and emotions for this looks kind of cold,as though a machine is writing it. I know you've got heaps of talent hidden in you. Let yourself go and the end result will be marvellous, i'm sure. Good luck:-)
Reply:It's one of them there psychodelic poems, ain't it?

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