What do you think so far ??

I have to write a "perfect paragraph" for english heres mine so far:





The calm, pure blue sea water glistened in the dim, orange light of the sunset. Waves almost silently falling into the smooth, gold sand. Deckchairs scattered randomly across the beach like stars in the Summer night sky. The beach seemed deserted. Apart from one small group in the distance, sitting happily around a blazing bonfire, as content as ?? singing merrily together. But there was one more person on the beach





Haven't finished, any ideas of what to put next? And also where i wrote the question marks i dont know what to write there





Thanks!!!!

What do you think so far ??
Way too many adjectives. I was the same way when I was young, I thought throwing a bunch of adjectives in my prose made it better but it doesn't. Take out a few (if not all) of those and you'll have a stronger paragraph. I don't know how old you are, but you write better than 99% of the buffoons in yahoo answers!
Reply:There is no such thing as a perfect paragraph- u can edit it over and over and over.





"Deckchairs scattered randomly across the beach like stars in the Summer night sky." I don't really get this sentence. If it is a calm night, then how come chairs are being pushed by a force?





"The beach seemed deserted." You can remove 'seemed' from this sentence and replace it with something else. (it either was or wasn't :) )





I get lost when you said half of the last sentence- make it all flow.





In your para. you could include:


-scent


-sand


- infinite stary sky


-low tide


- something to do with the cyan crystal waves crashing against the shore, forming foamy wave-curletts along the shore-line


-maybe the reflection of the moon





Hope this helps some! :)
Reply:I like that a lot. Its detailed. And it describes so well.... I can picture it in my mind. Its perfect, you sound like a true poet!!!





As content as...as...um...(lol)





As content as a bluebird in its nest


As content as a child in its parents' arms


As content as a fish in the water








I dunno what to suggest for the rest, but you'll get eventually





Good Luck!
Reply:awesome!ur reely good! i could see the things u were describing!


as content as a mother playing with their child


maybe somethin like that.


to continue u could describe how this person did not fit in with the rest(describe the clothes and behavior)


at the end u could say how this person is compared to the people in life who are not afraid to b themselves or somethin like that.


i hope this helps and thnks for askin a Q that wasnt 'do mi hmwrk!'


best of luck!let me no wat u decide to do!