Good or bad beginning of a novel? I'm only 15 so if you see a lot of erros, you know why.?

He gives a final kick to my stomach, sending me two feet across the ground. “If you come back in this house, *****, I’ll beat your face until it’s unrecognizable!” I hear the trailer door slam back, swinging for a bit until clicking in place. Seconds later, my jaw clenches until it hurts. The tears never come. My hands don’t see if there is blood. I know there is. I can taste it in my mouth.


Why? Why does this always happen to me? What have I done to deserve this? I have never disobeyed David when he orders I strip for him. In every way possible, I have done what he wants and yet, he still acts as if it were not enough. What more can I do?


I quit my job just so I could take care of the things around here. David demanded me to be home early from work and I limited back so much that I only went to Lavigne Keys University for only four hours a day when I should have been there for eight. Now I don’t work at the college. I stay in this hellhole just to take care of my two baby sisters. I worry about them, my sisters. I try not to think of them in my position in the future. I would give up my life to prevent them from having a life like mine.


I have, for all my seventeen years of living, been in this hellhole. I clutch my heart under the night sky. Not even the stars light up my way. They seem so far away, so far apart, leaving me to this misery. I manage to get on my knees, my palms holding me above the ground. The ache in my side throbs; I go into a coughing fit, the blood from my busted lip and nose painting the pebbles and rock.


When I hear my sister’s scream, the hairs on my arms and neck stand on end. I jump to my feet, my mind and body suddenly ignoring the pain. I’m surprised I haven’t blacked out like I normally do. I stagger inside the torn down trailer, my jaw clenched. Lorena screams as our father flips the old coffee table, shattering the legs. She huddles deeper in Orlean’s chest with her hands over her head.


“Shut up, you blazing child!” David exclaims, his face red with rage. Lorena has a growing bruise on one arm but Orlean’s lip is bleeding and has a red hand mark on her cheek. I clench my fists, the rage welling up inside me at the sight of the blood. I hate blood. I always have since the incident. I jump on David’s back with a roar. I use all my strength to put him in a headlock. He claws at my arms, slamming me against walls while gagging and screeching. I feel the hot liquid run down my back but I keep my grip on the bastard’s neck. David slumps to his knees and then finally blacks out. I roll off him trying to catch my breath.


I look up at my sisters through black eyes. “Did he hit you?” I pant, limping to them. I crouch down, dropping to my knees, and search their pale, sweaty faces.


“I‘m scared,” Lorena sobs, snot dripping from her nose. I pull them to my chest, shushing them. Orlean’s fist balls up in my shirt, her hand turning white.


“I hate him,” her muffled voice says in my chest. “I hate him so ******* much.”


“I know,” I say, my chest moving so fast I think I might have a heart attack. Orlean always curses. She picked it up from David even though I tell her not to say them.


My mind spews up a few solutions to this chaos. First solution would only bring more problems and I would never see my sisters again. And I doubt I could ever bring myself to murder him, anyone for that fact. Option two is running away, but how many times have I tried that? Calling the police is another, but I have tried that before, too. Going to a home might be a little easier, but the boys aren’t all that nice, if you get the meaning.


I close my eyes and breathe slowly. When David wakes up, God only know what he will do but I get the distinct feeling I’ll end up in the hospital, or dead. And I don’t want either. “Let’s go,” I say, coming to the conclusion of leaving. I don’t know where we will go, but I cannot stand living here anymore, having my sisters in danger 24/7.


Lorena and Orlean look up at me. “Where?” Lorena asks, sniffling.


“Anywhere,” Orlean answers, getting to her feet. “I’ll grab the money.” She races to the back to our parent’s room. David has a stash, and once Orlean stole some to get me the medicine I needed, and she paid for it.


“We can’t take it!” Lorena gasps. “He’ll hurt you again!” Orlean snorts, stuffing the money in my hands and I shove it in my jean pockets.


“It didn’t even hurt.” I know it is a lie. She looks up at me through her long eyelashes. “I think he has enough for a hotel.” I nod and we head out the back door. I’m not taking any chances with the neighbors blabbering that we left to David when we wake up.


As soon as the cold air touches my face, all the times I tried escaping this place comes back to me. I began those runaways when I was nine. The same year Casten died. Lorena never releases her death grip on my hand and Orlean leads the run through the hold and rusty trailers. We come out on the sidewalk and sprint for all we are worth with nothing but the clothes on our backs and the money in my pocket.


I have always hated living in that trailer park. I hate what my life has come out to be. I hate what I do just for David’s friends’ pleasure. No more. I have had enough! I will not be raped again! I will not be beaten again! I will never have to do what that bastard says just because he is too damn lazy to do it himself! I’m out of here, along with my two sisters. From now on, I will be their mother. I will take care of them. No harm will be brought to them unless I am on my back. Dead.

Good or bad beginning of a novel? I'm only 15 so if you see a lot of erros, you know why.?
i like it ,i hope you'll keep on posting the rest :)
Reply:Good. Its a good start. If you think it needs to be revised you can always finish the writing and read over it to a better beginning that fits the story more from beginning to end.
Reply:Awesome work!





The start somehow evokes The Catcher in the Rye , which is a very interesting and fun novel!





Have you read it?





Keep up the great work!





You've got a talent for this!!!
Reply:good!!!! keep on writing!!!!
Reply:Very good for your age.
Reply:Wow, are you sure you're only 15? Your writing style is incredible! Very descriptive, very emotive...I'd say you definitely have something here. Keep working at it!