What do you think of my poem?

Sally fell off the earth,


Similar to drowning


Her arms struggled ruthlessly,


To find anything to hold on to.


Lifted from the grass,


She tried to pull herself back,


She screamed but nobody could hear.


Her fingertips brushed the top of the trees,


She shrieked but nobody could hear.


The clouds absorbed her,


She sobbed but nobody could hear.





The clouds granted a mist,


An unknown,


But then it broke,


And the crystal blue and blazing yellow silenced her,


The trees and grass became a distant memory,


Her mind went blank,


Thinking of nothing but the sky’s depth.





Black velvet enveloped her body,


The warmest she’d felt in a long time,


The stars glittered,


Wink wink wink,


The earth became a distant ball,


Moving away,


Slowly slowly.


She went deeper,


Deeper deeper deeper.





Sally fell off the earth,


She’s still falling.





----I know it's not for everyone and it's a bit odd...but what d'ya think?

What do you think of my poem?
Interesting would be the word for it.The idea really appealed to me,I think you could have elaborated on it even further,to make it clearer to the reader.I love the phrasing,the way you chose to use the words were very effective in striking up images in front of my eyes.I don't know much,I'm a 16-year old amateur and therefore,poorly-equipped for criticism--but I thought that the idea has a lot of potential and the poem has a fantastic surprise element to it.


Hope I was able to help:-)
Reply:I'm not sure exaclty what's it about, but it's beautiful! I love the imagery and the words you used. Besides being beautiful, it's sad. And kinda depressing, but still beautiful.
Reply:I think you have an interesting seed of an idea -- one that could be developed. However, you have a number of concepts that seem to make no sense or that conflict with words/phrases elsewhere in the poem. First is "fell off the earth" vs. "lifted from the grass." (and there are others)





Overall, it seems more like prose than poetry because it reads like a story and has few, if any, poetic devices (similes, metaphors, imagery, etc.)





Sorry if that isn't what you wanted to hear, but it IS an honest opinion.


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Reply:that was really good- i love the feeling and word choice you put into it! :) keep up the good writing!
Reply:It's a oxymoron!


I love it.


A Sad Happiness.


Or


Ignorant Memory.


That last one isn't an oxymoron, but it seems to fit.


:]





I like the idea of falling of the earth.


But no so much that she doesn't remember.


I think you should of done more with the process, but I'm only a 14 year old fool.


So...


Yeah.
Reply:kind of odd, but good.
Reply:its kinda depressing but an over all good poem

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